The Intimacy of Need

Yes. You read the title of this blog correctly. It does not say “The Need for Intimacy”. It is not about sex – not directly. Although, let’s all just recognize that sexual intimacy is a challenge for most parents of small children (working moms included). And emotional intimacy is a good foundation for good sex.
This discussion offers a new twist on what creates an environment of emotional intimacy. And once again…candles, soft lighting, music…all nice to have…but not the insight of this conversation. NEED is the insight. Part of the reason that we enter relationships is that the person that we are with helps to fulfill a need in us. That person is great at something that we are not. That person offers the support and encouragement that we need to make it through a tough day or to pursue a goal. That person, simply knows that we drink our coffee black and we love peaches. And that intimate knowledge makes us feel safe and loved.
When we become mothers and juggle work at the same time, we MUST take care of the needs of our children. (This is true for fathers too). It is easy to focus on logistics management and forget about the intimacy of need with a partner.
I am married to one of the most able men on the planet (other than in the kitchen…but that is his voluntary incompetence). I am personally also pretty independent and able. It is easy for us to stop needing each other. But self-sufficiency misses the point. We realized this several years ago and talk about it openly. Our relationship is at its best when we are each a little needy. It helps to solidify the connection between us and emphasize the uniqueness of our partnership.
So STOP being self-sufficient…don’t try to do it all. Be a little vulnerable. Ask to have your back rubbed or your gas pumped. Welcome a similar request from your partner to TIVO something for them on TV. Open yourself up to the little needs that create the big intimacy.